oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
