The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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