ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
