the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
