do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize