You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
