She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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