where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize