I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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