So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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