If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
