She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Rumble strips road head = magical
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
