I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just threw up on my dentist
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
