just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize