If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
