i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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