My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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