OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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