is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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