Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
