I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i've created a new STD.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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