Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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