dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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