Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
