fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
