i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
