im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
