he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
