I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
