She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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