yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize