I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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