I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
