I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize