his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
