Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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