so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
