My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
