Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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