No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
