I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
