I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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