Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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