I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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