Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
