Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
