The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
