Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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