So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
