you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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