Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
