My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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