It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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