Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
