I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
