nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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