I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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