Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
