You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
