Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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