Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
