I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
