Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
