Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
