Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
