he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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