I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize