Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
