I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
