She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
